Well, it's been an interesting week, and I suppose it's time to update you on it. I'm gonna keep it short because I'm in need of rest and am also currently a bit addicted to Supernatural, which I'm rewatching with Becca. Speaking of Supernatural, why not tell some sad news in a more happy fashion? I'll do this post via Supernatural gifs.
For most of the semester, I've been having a rough time with the fibro, I think because I overbooked myself this semester.
I've got a full senior-level course load, a part-time job, and I'm doing orchestra for the first time in a while. Plus, winter is coming on. Idaho winter.
I've been struggling, a lot. The colder and more wintery it gets, the worse my fibro gets, and with the workload I'm at, I've just been feeling, all the time, like I'm out of control.
Not to mention the pain and tiredness and misery. Every minute of the day I've been wanting a nap, thinking about naps, dying for a nap.
I haven't been able to enjoy myself at all. Which isn't okay. So for the past month I've been trying to cut down on stuff.
I've worked out rules with my roommates, I worked out an easier assignment schedule with my orchestra teacher, I've changed my wardrobe, I've limited my work hours, etc. But I've still just felt worse and worse.
It got to the point, the past couple of weeks, where I wasn't showering enough, I couldn't go shopping for food, the kitty litter was nassssssty, I was taking naps during all of my free time, I was late to classes, missing church, doing all my assignments last minute, etc., etc. It was just awful.
Finally, on Monday, I was talking to my mom, and it hit me that I needed to do what I'd been trying to avoid this whole time and quit orchestra. There was no real way around it. All of these small things I'm doing aren't enough to make up for the energy deficit I'm running. Fortuitously, I made that decision on the last day we can drop classes.
But then the website was down all night.
The next day, though, they extended the deadline, so I dropped orchestra, crying the whole time. This is one of the last things I wanted to do. I've come so far with my anxiety to be able to do cello again, and now I discover I'm physically not able to do it.
But this is the fact of my life. I have to do what I can to be happy and healthy, and for me that unfortunately means a lot of limits. I also dropped NaNoWriMo, as you saw. And I've been doing better since then, by a good bit. It was the right decision to make, even if it did break my heart a little.
Hopefully someday I'll be able to return to cello again. Right now, though, this is my reality.
Thanks for reading, guys, and I'll see you on Tuesday.
Images via aminoapps.com, reactiongifs.us, giphy.com, eminemaboveall and [unknown] on Tumblr, aminoapps.com, giphy.com, klejonka.info, giphy.com, oceanographers-choice on Tumblr, tenor.com, giphy.com, and sharegif.com.
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