Before we get to the fun, a bit of business. Lately on my social media profiles, you may have noticed some fund requests. In June 2014, the Chapter One Young Writers Conference will occur. This conference is run by me and my best writing friends. I am meant to be a speaker this upcoming year but I do not have the funds to travel to the conference. Thus, I am trying to raise money. If you can, please donate! If you'd like to attend, please like the Ch1Con Facebook page to keep up with new developments. (Editor's Note: Fundraising now closed.)
Moving on. Google is a friend to many people in the world. Not only is it a fantastic search engine, but it also has a number of other useful things, like a translator and maps and a way to keep up with how much blog traffic you're getting and YouTube and also Gmail. I doubt there's a person in the first world who doesn't know Google.
Google knows you, too, and the stuff that you like to search. Today I am going to use Google autocomplete, which finishes your search term based off of both your previous searches and popular searches, to create a post. I'm sure Google is scared of me, to be honest, if it's been keeping up with my stuff, because writers research the strangest things. I wrote a post about that once. Anyway, Google is going to ask me questions about writing, and I am going to try to answer.
Do writers make money?
Published ones do. It is a career.
Do writers get laid?
As much as the average person does, I imagine. Why are people interested in this? Do you think you're going to get some by becoming a writer? That's not how it works, friend.
Do writers need a business license?
Oh geez. I don't even know the answer to this one. I'm pretty sure it's no. Maybe I should Google it.
Do writers make a lot of money?
Only if they have a very successful career. The odds are never in your favor.
Do authors make good money?
See the above answer.
Do authors need a blog?
No. But it's useful, and it's fun! I recommend it.
Do authors make money?
See above, again.
Do authors make money from libraries?
When a library buys copies of a book, the designated percentage of earnings as stated in publishing contracts goes to the author, yes. I can't imagine it's much, though. I mean, if you add up all the libraries ever, maybe.
Do novelists make (any) money?
Geez, I get it. You guys like money.
Do novelists outline/use outlines?
It depends. This is the great planner vs. pantser debate. Planners use outlines. Pantsers don't. Some people stand in between. Your preference depends entirely on you and the story. I am a die-hard pantser because outlines bore me.
How do writers write?
Through osmosis. Honestly, I don't know. It's a mix of natural talent, natural inclination, hard work, and a lot of learning and practice. I do it because I love it.
How do writers interact with the world?
I direct your attention to Figure A.
Not all writers are introverts, but a lot are. That's how we get so much done. Also, we're all a little bit crazy. Look up a famous author. They're probably neurodiverse in some way or have past trauma or something. It is through the unique perspective of madness that we create meaningful art.
Figure B may also help you understand how to be among our kind.
Throw in a dash of Figure C.
Yeah, that basically covers it. Moving on.
How do writers make money?
Through osmosis. Again.
How do writers work?
We sit our butt in the chair and write/edit.
How do authors get their ideas?
Ooh, ooh! I actually have a post on my theory about this! It's one of my favorite posts I've ever written. Here! But if you'd rather have a short boring answer, I say to you, life. Simply life.
How do authors get paid?
With money and fandom.
How do authors write/make money?
Yeah, we covered these.
Why d0 writers write?
Because Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers.
Why do writers drink?
So we don't become dehydrated. (Yes, I know you're talking about alcohol. The answer is we don't, not all of us. The ones who are famous for having drinking problems are operating under the "Artists Have Issues" law.)
Why writers write anchor chart?
Why should writers blog?
a) Because it's fun, b) because it gets you out into the writing community, and c) because it gives you a platform.
Why do authors use irony?
Because we have a wicked sense of humor.
Why do authors write?
Seriously? Why do you think?
Why do authors use figurative language?
To annoy the heck out of kids in English classes. No, because we're geniuses, that's why. Brilliant geniuses who like to use language to the best of its ability.
Why do authors use metaphors?
Because we're sort of addicted to them.
I'm going to ignore the ones about writing and direct your attention instead to...
Why are novelists turning to crime?
...because this question amuses me. NOVELISTS, TURNING TO CRIME! TAKING OVER THE STREETS! ROBBING BANKS, KILLING MEN! THE HORROR OF IT ALL! THE POOR CHILDREN! WHY? WHY? WHY?!
Yeah, I know you're talking about crime writers, and for the record, I'm not doing that.
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