Since I can't be bothered right now to write much of an actual post (I'm tired and I have homework to do), here's some thoughts on it being my last first week of school. Kind of. As I said in my last post, I'll be starting grad school in August unless something goes terribly wrong, but that's an online program, so in the way it counts, this is my last first week.
It's strange to be a graduating senior. The last time I graduated, as a high school senior, my world was vastly different, not in the least because I hadn't yet been diagnosed with or treated for my OCD. I didn't yet know the language of social justice. I'd never lived away from home. Two of my family's cats, one of which is my dear emotional support animal Spartacus, hadn't yet been born. I'd had crushes on guys since before I could remember, whereas now I've gone through a couple stretches where I've had no interesting prospects, including the current moment (although my shipping skills continue to be on point). I'd never seen a superhero movie (speaking of shipping).
I'd also never seen Doctor Who or Sherlock or Supernatural. I had only just begun this blog. No one my age had yet gotten married, whereas now my best friend is engaged (!!!!!!). I could go on, but the point is that I've grown and I've changed and now I'm a graduating senior again. (Though I have no intention to walk the ceremony this time--I found it pretty useless last time.) And that's a weird thought.
It does make me feel kind of powerful, on campus, thinking that I am the queen of the world with all that experience. I am on my last semester. It's lonely too, though. I don't recognize a lot of the people in my classes because they're younger, while I'm on my way out. (Also, I once again have no friends here, because I have #socialskills, and everyone I love for some reason has to live halfway across the country.) That loneliness is hard to deal with, but I've experienced it a lot at this school, and that's what Spartacus is for.
So far, it's going all right. It's the lightest semester I've had so far, two classes a day and one online class, which is good considering how sick I got last semester with the fibro. The melatonin and the onset of spring should keep that from being such an issue, but I'll tell you, right now I'm not feeling great. Thursday, I could barely walk (WHY ARE THERE SO MANY STAIRS AT THIS SCHOOL????). Of course, the first and last weeks are the hardest on me, so I can't judge based off of how I feel now.
My MWF classes are great: senior thesis with Brother Merrill (so maybe I'll get another post of random thoughts from him) and YA lit with last year's Brit lit teacher. I'm not sure what to write my senior thesis on; I refuse to write it on another piece by a White Man, but I can't think of many classics by women, let alone people of color, so, yeah, throw some thoughts down my way if you've got them. YA lit I was worried about because the booklist is of a bunch of obscure reads that don't really seem to be representative of the YA community I love, but the teacher is genuinely enthusiastic and does know her YA. Now I'm struggling with all my might to not be that Annoying Know-It-All who interrupts all the time , but I'm kind of failing. I cannot even put to words my enthusiasm about getting to talk about YA LIT MY ONE TRUE LOVE.
I just want to talk about all the books and all the authors and all the things. I know I'm not doing a good job of controlling it because the professor is already turning to me all the time for opinions and author names and stuff, and we've only had three classes.
Anyway, T/Th is less fun. As you may or may not have noted, I have severe White Man Fatigue, because literary canon is so strongly White Man, and it's especially bad at a conservative university like this one. Which ticks me off. The only novel by a woman I have read for this school is To Kill a Mockingbird, for my Literature into Film study, and that is a problem. So I'm not terribly enthusiastic about having to take an author study on George Orwell. Orwell is depressing and boring to me anyway. At least the teacher for that class seems awesome. *shrugs* My other class T/Th is American Lit, modern/realistic period, which I'm wavering on. I don't like American lit the way I like British or Russian stuff, but the readings we have so far have at least been much more diverse. But the teacher is a unique individual. I need some time to get a handle on him.
My online class is children's lit, and I'm also reserving judgment on that. The content so far is written in a way that feels patronizing, and uses way too many italics in totally random places like this. Also, we may have a disagreement about gendered literature and the importance of "boy" and "girl" books. (Shannon Hale often shares lots of very smart thoughts on this issue.) But then, these courses are prewritten online and so all of that might not be the teacher herself at all.
In other news, I am on a diet because my doctor, before I left for school, told me I need to lose a little weight. Which was difficult on me because that's very triggering for my OCD, so I had a hard night, but I'm mostly okay on that now. I'm just struggling with my deep love of cheeseburgers. Also with how tired I feel. The more tired I get, the harder it is to resist the siren call of delicious fast food. I'm good at following rules once I set them (perks of OCD?) though, so I'll manage. Probably.
So that is where I stand! I need to get myself back into gear with homework, which I keep resisting because I'd rather sleep and watch Bones, and I need to find a ride to see Captain America: CIvil War, because duh, and I need my fibro to calm down please. Also, I must find my way around White Man Fatigue, because I can't avoid White Men here. *le sigh*
LOL, I'll see you guys again Tuesday.
Images via blackfilms.com and caravanshoppe.com.
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