Hello, friends, and welcome to another installment in my "on this day in my history" series, where I summarize all my past diary entries for a certain date of the year. The last installment (May 12) can be found here. Now it's time to see what's happened on January 26 throughout my life!
January 26, 2005, Ten Years Old
I enjoyed dance at school, but I hated orchestra, which was "1 hour of loneliness" and "no use."
No January 26 entry in 2006.
January 26, 2007, Twelve Years Old
I found school to be pretty boring today. I was critical about my art project, felt like social studies had been too much work, and had to convince two feuding friends to continue with our small strings ensemble.
January 26, 2008, Thirteen Years Old
I went on a church trip to go sledding, and my best friend threw up in the car on the way there. Then we sled for a while, and a few people got injured, and on our way out, people had to push the car out of a snowbank. I spent the rest of the day working on TWIST, a YA fantasy that has since been trunked.
No January 26 entry in 2009.
January 26, 2010, Fifteen Years Old
One of my friends was in the midst of looking over ON THE RUN, the third book in a YA speculative series that has since been trunked. I found my classes as boring as ever and slept through most of U.S. History. I spent Algebra II arguing with the teacher about calculator usage, auditioned for choir during lunch (at which point I discovered that solfege is a thing), and got in kind of a fight with a friend during orchestra. He wanted me to join the town orchestra, but I didn't feel like I had the energy or the skill for it, and then when the conversation turned to a breathing issue that I had, he told me to "run it off," which was super rude. At home later, I cried about it, and then made a list of all my accomplishments in life to make myself feel better. I actually posted that list here on this blog! I continue to update it today.
January 26, 2011, Sixteen Years Old
My back was quite achy, which was a nuisance, and school continued to be boring. I got mad at myself for not talking to my crush when he looked at me in the hallway, I also worried a lot about a pre-calculus quiz and an essay outline that I felt was much worse than my friend's. In biology class, I got angry about all the people whose chronic illnesses can be fixed with a simple gene edit, but at home later, Mom told me about all the bad things that can happen with gene edits. So then I felt less jealous. We had a fire drill in orchestra, and due to my fibromyalgia, I couldn't walk very fast. My friend harassed me about it, and even pushed on my back, which I found pretty upsetting. After school, I had a nice lunch with some women from church.
January 26, 2012, Seventeen Years Old
I came to school a little late thanks to my fatigue. I spent poetry class feeling like my skills were subpar, but then a guy said he really liked my work, so I felt a bit better. During my free periods, I edited ON THE RUN. We had a substitute in choir, which I did not enjoy, and then I spent some time being jealous about how thin this other girl was. After school, there was a dress rehearsal for this school talent show that I was singing a solo in. My orchestra friend was also in it with a small strings group, and he'd skipped the dress rehearsal the day before, so I'd had to step in to play his part. Listening to him today, I felt absolutely awful about myself because, while he wasn't a reliable person, he had incredible talent and charisma. I really felt like my performance was crappy in comparison. Mid-rehearsal, I couldn't find a microwave for my dinner, but somehow my orchestra friend got it heated up, and he told us he did it via laser vision, which was almost plausible. After that, I cheered up.
January 26, 2013, Eighteen Years Old
I hung out with some people from church briefly, and then one of my friends came to my dorm room to help me learn some guitar. Later, my friend group all went to a school improv show--but one of them, a guy I was kind of on bad terms with, was drunk. I'd never really seen a drunk person before, and he was acting all enthusiastic and kept going on and on about what a wonderful person he was, and I had the feeling he didn't think he was a wonderful person in reality. Maybe the whole reason he'd gotten drunk was, in fact, that he hated himself. It made me really sad, and I blamed myself for it, because I didn't like him and maybe my dislike of him was what made him hate himself. I ended up having a panic attack over it all and having to leave before the show even started, but I'd left my keycard at the theater, so I couldn't get into my room. I sat in the hallway and cried for a long time. I felt like everyone must think that I'm crazy for reacting so badly. Afterwards, my friends decided to go to the commons to play Mafia, but a bunch of them refused to come, supposedly because they were mad at the drunk guy (who was now sober). However, I felt like maybe they were avoiding me because of how crazy and emotional I was, so naturally I cried some more. Then one of my friends convinced a few of the others to join us, and we played Mafia, and I felt better.
January 26, 2014, Nineteen Years Old
I slept through church, then Skyped my mom and wrote my journal. After that, I worked on homework while my roommates went to a crepe dinner without me.
January 26, 2015, Twenty Years Old
I was at home for the trimester (BYU-Idaho has a trimester system where you can take one trimester off every year), but I was taking an online class, which is mostly what I worked on. We had group work, which I always find quite stressful.
January 26, 2016, Twenty-One Years Old
I was once again at home taking an online class for the trimester, and I spent the day on homework and watching The Flash with my brother.
January 26, 2017, Twenty-Two Years Old
At this point, I was mostly bedridden, and we were doing all kinds of tests trying to figure out why I was so sick, with no success. I felt lost and purposeless and like my life was "on hold, an indefinite, eternal hold." There was nothing I could think about but my sickness, because I was really sick. And the medical system was not doing great at helping me out. I was really just miserable. But I also knew that at some point I was going to have to accept my situation and find a new way of living. (Luckily, I wouldn't have to do that until I'd gotten my diagnoses and improved from mostly bedridden to mostly homebound.).
January 26, 2018, Twenty-Three Years Old
I was doing much better now than the year before. I decided to switch over from editing THE PROPHECY KEEPER to editing CUCUY, in preparation for WriteOnCon in February. I was also doing some family history work, trying to untangle the records on FamilySearch.
So that's the story of January 26th in my life! Thanks for reading. I will be back next week with a guest post about OCD and online treatment.
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